


Hidden

by Swanheart



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Adult Teddy, Age Difference, Angst, Emotional Hurt, Eventual Happy Ending, Falling In Love, Feelings Realization, First Love, Fluff, Forbidden Love, Getting Together, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Harry Potter Next Generation, Jealousy, Love Confessions, M/M, POV First Person, POV Teddy Lupin, Pining, Post-Hogwarts, Post-War, Secret Crush, Secrets, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-08
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-14 15:21:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29918895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Swanheart/pseuds/Swanheart
Summary: I keep it hidden, locked inside, just hoping that maybe one day that moment will come when he finally gains similar feelings towards me.
Relationships: Teddy Lupin/Harry Potter
Comments: 4
Kudos: 8





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to write something different, and here it is. I wrote this in like an hour or so... It's short and angsty, and totally different from what I've ever written. If you don't like the pairing, don't read it!! :)
> 
> English is not my first language, but I'm trying my best. Be gentle with me.

At some point in our life, we've all encountered that feeling of secretly liking someone, secretly having eyes on them, secretly wishing they knew, but deep inside being afraid of what the outcome would be.

For me, that someone is Harry Potter. The man I've known since I was a little boy. The man who is 17 years older than me. The man that my parents chose to be my _godfather._ The man who's my role model. The man who has always been there for me when I've needed support. The man I've grown to care about a lot more than I should.

It started when I was sixteen and once again spending time at Harry's place on my Summer holiday. At the age, I was already well aware of the fact that I was gay, but it came as a terrible shock when I suddenly found myself admiring my godfather's fit, tanned body, his gorgeous biceps, his beautiful emerald green eyes, his warm smile... I could have continued the list neverendingly. 

The times he gave me a friendly hug, my heart started pounding a little harder in my chest and I could feel butterflies in my stomach. I always found myself inhaling his delicious, masculine scent into my lungs when he was near me. Anyway, during that summer, I created a huge crush on my godfather. 

I knew how wrong it was, and I tried to put it out of my mind. Then, another school year at Hogwarts began, and as I jumped in the train and watched my gran and Harry disappear from my sight, I was sure that my immoral thoughts would go away. _Out of sight, out of mind..._ That's what I thought. 

But I was wrong. The next Christmas, when I saw him again... it had only gone worse. _Far_ worse.

And here I am, _FIVE years_ later, and it's not just a simple crush anymore. I've had strong feelings for years, and they just won't go away. The more I spend time with him, the more I realize that I'm head over heels in love with Harry Potter.

I think of Harry when I wake up in the morning. I keep staring at the empty space next to me, thinking of how much I would love to wake up next to Harry. I would gently run my fingers through his messy hair and see his green eyes opening up. _"Good morning, my love",_ I would say to him, and his lips would spread to a beautiful smile. We would share some long, thorough good morning kisses before finally going to have a shower, together.

I think of Harry when I'm eating breakfast, wishing that instead of being alone, he would be with me. He would be sitting at the other side of the table, drinking coffee and reading Daily Prophet with a focused look on his face. Finally, he would catch me staring and give me a warm, loving smile.

I think of Harry when I'm bored at work, wishing that he would be waiting for me when I go back home.

I think of him when I'm finally walking home from work. I see couples having dinner at a restaurant, and I can almost imagine the two of us being there as well.

I think of Harry when I'm watching television in the evening, wishing that we were watching it together. We would be cuddling and laughing at the funny TV shows together, enjoying our quality time. Harry's arm would be tightly wrapped around me, and I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. In his arms, I would feel safe.

I think of Harry when I'm lying in my bed at 10pm, staring at the ceiling and trying to fall asleep. I would much rather be making love with him... I would be on top of him, riding him senseless. _"God, Teddy. You are so beautiful",_ Harry would say with so much love in his eyes, his hands holding my lower body as I would move myself up and down, back and forth. I've never gone all the way with a man, but I know that he would feel so good inside me.

I think of him when it's already 2am, and I _still_ can't sleep. I feel so alone, and I'm crying, and all I'm wishing is that he was here, holding me. _"Teddy, love... You're not alone. I'm here",_ he would whisper. He would wipe my tears away and gently kiss my hair. _"Please don't cry... I love you so much."_ And it hurts so much to know that it will never happen.

What hurts the most is to know that Harry is not even in a relationship anymore. He used to be married to Ginevra Weasley for years, but not anymore. I don't know the reason for their divorce. All I know is that Harry is single now, has been for the last six months. He's finally available... but not for me. Never for _me._

I can't even be with anyone else. I've tried dating other men, but it never leads to anything because I can't stop thinking of Harry. He's the only man I want.

I have so much that I want to say to him, but I can't say a word. I can never tell him that I'm in love with him because I'm afraid he'll run away and cut me out of his life. He only sees me as a godson.

So I keep it unnoticed. I keep it hidden, locked inside, just hoping that maybe one day that moment will come when he finally gains similar feelings towards me. But I know it never will.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I decided to continue this. This chapter is a short one as well, but here you go! 😌

One Friday, Harry invites me for dinner. 

As I enter the kitchen, I'm very flattered to see that he has really put an effort and cooked my favourite food: steak and baked potatoes. It warms my heart.

Harry seems unusually happy. He is so full of joy, smiling widely and humming some song while finishing our delicious dinner, and I'm just standing at the doorway, watching him with a smile on my lips. 

Harry looks breathtaking. His black hair is more groomed than before, and he is wearing a dark green dress shirt and black jeans that accentuate his perfect arse. Harry is so nicely dressed, and all because of me...? My stomach is fluttering a little, but I'm feeling a lot more confident. This night is going to be perfect. Maybe I'll finally be able to confess how I feel about him...

However, if anything can go wrong, it will. My happiness does not last for long. The doorbell is ringing.

"Are we expecting someone?" I ask quietly, trying my best to hide my disappointment. I thought it's going to be just the two of us...

Harry only flashes a grin at me and almost runs to the hallway, soon returning with a man I've never seen before.

"Teddy, this is Jack, my boyfriend. Jack, this is my godson Teddy." I've never seen Harry look so happy.

I can feel my heart breaking into tiny pieces.

"Hello, Teddy", Jack says, offering his hand. I shake his hand involuntarily.

"Hi", I manage to whisper.

"Harry has told me so much about you."

I'm eyeing the man from head to toes. Jack is a good-looking man with a gorgeous body, stylish clothes and shoulder-length hair. I don't know his age, but he's clearly a lot younger than Harry, max. thirty. Not even ten years older than me. 

I hate him. I fucking hate him.

We sit down and have dinner together. Harry and his new boyfriend are sitting at the other side of the table. They seem so happy, and I find myself glaring at them. I hate the way Jack laughs at nearly everything Harry says. I hate the way his hand is caressing Harry's own. I hate his stupid, light brown hair. I hate his fit body and his stylish clothes. I hate the way Harry is looking at him, a fond smile on his lips. 

I can't believe this is happening... Harry is bisexual. He has a boyfriend. And... he's just introduced me as his godson Teddy. That's all I'm ever going to be to him. A kid. A godson. I'm an idiot for dreaming about anything more.

I'm chewing my steak angrily, my brain trying to come up with different ways to get rid of Jack. He is not good enough for Harry. Jack will never love him the way I do.

"Is everything OK?" Harry asks me, his voice cutting my thoughts. He must have noticed how tense I am.

"Yes", I hurry to answer, a forced smile on my lips. "The food is great. You're such a great cook, Harry."

"Thanks, Teddy." Harry smiles back before continuing his conversation with Jack. 

My smile fades away immediately.

\---

One hour later, I'm already planning to leave. We are watching some comedy film together, and Harry's arm is wrapped around Jack. I'm sitting alone at the other end of the couch, feeling sick to my stomach. I know nothing about the film since all my focus has been on Harry and his new boyfriend from the beginning.

Watching the film together with them makes me hate Jack even more. I hate the way he giggles at everything. I hate the way he's pressed against Harry. I hate the way his hand is caressing Harry's thigh in front of my eyes. I hate the way he's whispering something to Harry's ear. I hate the way Harry smiles every time he does that. I hate that they both seem to have forgotten that I'm still here.

I try to endure, but after another ten minutes has passed, I've finally had enough. Harry doesn't need me here. He has Jack. I'm nothing but a third wheel here.

I get up, heading to the hallway without a word or another glance backwards. I have no interest to stay a minute longer. I can't stand looking at Harry with another man in his arms. If I had known about Jack, I wouldn't have come at all today...

When I'm already wearing my shoes and pulling my coat on at the door, Harry's suddenly standing behind me. 

"You're leaving already?" he asks, sounding dejected.

"Yes", I answer curtly, now buttoning up my coat. I'm avoiding to look at him.

"Teddy...", Harry says quietly. "Are you sure everything's OK?"

"Yeah. Everything's great." I'm still not looking at him. 

"You do know you can always talk to me?" Harry continues. "About anything. Anything at all."

Instead of answering, I give a quick nod, already opening the door. "Thank you for delicious food", I say before stepping out into the cold winter night. "Good night."

"Wait", I hear him say, and turn around. Harry's looking at me with a glum look on his face. "When are we going to see again?"

I'm just standing there and staring at him for a while, not knowing what to say. "Uh... I'll let you know when I'm free. I'll write you." I'm trying my best to smile, but it's very hard when my heart has been shattered to pieces today.

"Okay", Harry says, finally smiling as well. "Good night, Teddy."

"Night", I say back, closing the door after me.

\---

As soon as I've apparated to my own flat, I can not restrain myself anymore. I punch the nearest wall with my fist before falling to the floor. I bury my face in my hands, tears escaping my eyes.

It's over. Harry isn't single anymore. He is in a happy relationship with a man. He is probably kissing Jack at this very moment, now that I left them all by themselves. I waited too long, and now it's too late. I've lost my chances.

And what does it even matter? Harry would never want me anyway. He only sees me as his godson. He treasures me in his life, but he is not interested in me. His feelings towards me are familial.

It hurts so much. Of all the people my heart could have chosen, why did it have to be Harry? Why did it have to be a man who could never love me the same way? And most of all, can't this feeling ever go away? I know I can never have him, so why can't I forget about him? Why can't I fall for someone else?! Haven't I already suffered enough in my life? I think I have, more than my heart can bear...

I know what I have to do. Being in love with Harry is undeniably breaking me, and there will be no healing if I don't distance myself from him. I don't know how long it will take to get over him, but I have to try.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you like my fic, don't forget to leave kudos and comments! ❤️ They encourage me to write more. Thank you for reading!


End file.
